As the Toilet Paper Burns…

Observations of an unabashed people watcher…

Gobble gobble!

Happy turkey day to my flaming tp blog!

Little spurts of flame-

A real clothing line in an urban store- Red Ape!  What would the knock off brand be- Orange Orangutang?  Purple Monkey?  Bad Ass?  A colleague and I went to this urban store, which offers layaway on their cheapass knock offs and their backdoor bargains, and couldn’t stop laughing.  Yes, there was a slight fear that we would get shot, but definitely worth daring the danger!!

From my friend’s Facebook page: “just overheard two girls ranking US presidents from ‘ugliest to hottest’.  What a proud moment for public education” To which I want to respond, how do we know they aren’t private school brats?  Oh, because they said hottest, not hottttter.

I almost killed a coworker today.  Apparently my case reviews were so difficult to comprehend (big words?  small font?  I dunno…) that she was having difficulty breathing and had chest pains…  yeah. I’ll work on that, so that we only elevate blood pressure… no ambulances will need to be called for that.  We didn’t even get cute paramedics.  Guess it has to be an anthrax scare or something to rate that.

My head hurts.  I guess it’s time for more wine.  Then it will just be a holiday hangover!

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My poor abandoned blog!

I swear I haven’t forgotten you!  I’ve moved to Las Vegas and have been surrounded by wads of flaming tp!

Case in point, while driving the other day, I see some dimwit cut off a cop.  Normal reaction?  Dimwit gets pulled over right?  Nope… cop slams on his brakes in the middle of the street and proceeds to have a freak out session.  Arms flailing, veins bulging, screaming freak out.

Now I ask, who is the real dimwit in this equation?

Not me, I turned to go the other way…  🙂

Religious Irony!

My dad, the consummate agnostic, bitching about religious zealots… “That’s all they talk about, scriptures all the time on Facebook… I mean, Good Lord!”

I just stare at him… he thinks about it, flushes bright red and flips me off as I start howling…

I love my dad!

Figures

It must be an ancient Tibetan truth… as soon as you commit to a change, suddenly there are a wealth of choices to make you regret your decision. 

For example, a girl can spend months without a date.  Then she meets a guy, they hit it off!  Suddenly a plethora of guys are there vying for her attention!  Wtf?!

I’ve lived in this neighborhood for over a year.  Haven’t really made friends, but I am younger, childless and I work 40 hours a week.  So I don’t have the normal suburban tickets to clique-ville.  But now that I’m committed to leaving town, all sorts of people are wanting to go hang out! 

I’ve lived in this town for 8 years!  Damnit…  lol

Why I don’t feel the need to excoriate my peeps…

They do it well enough themselves!
I asked one of my evil coworkers/wenches what happened during the all-staff meeting that I missed last week.  (I was sick *cough, cough*) she tells me about the latest controversies- the decision to start posting policy how-to’s and budgetting tips in the bathroom was not so well received.  The typical complaints about how one unit has it better the others were again thrashed out.  Oh yeah, and two people out in the parking lot stripped down and switched clothes while standing between two cars with the doors held open for some privacy.  The woman crouched down but the guy stayed standing, never mind that they were changing in the middle of the day in front of an office that has glass walls…  and less than 10 minutes later another man came up and noisily relieved himself against someone else’s car.  We do have public restrooms BTW…  he then went to the bar…guess there was a line there too at 3 in the afternoon…

I still think I’ll plan on missing next months all-staff too.  The ac sucks in there, and it’s just too hot to put up with goofy policies, stupid complaints and nasty nudity.  There’s a reason Jerry Springer blurred the nasty!

Had a people of Wal-Mart moment…

Yeah… leaving the parking lot and saw a car jacked up by bottles and probably most of what dude bought.  Hood propped open with a huge freaking log, and dude and dude Jr are sitting up under the car working on something…  serious?!  And I’m not talking about a little Ford fiesta or something…  no, this is a big suv that would seriously hurt if it fell off the ghetto jack stand…  I seriously felt the need to help Darwin out!!

Reason 138 why I don’t shop online

Driving through rural (as in 45 miles from the nearest town) Nevada and I spy with my little eye… a pizza hut delivery van… with Utah license plates!  You only thought you were hungry!  And now we know why they no longer say “30 minutes or it’s free!”

Really?

Driving home again, this time from the library… I spy with my little eye… a pair of hippies walking down the street.  Cool beans, I like patchouli as much as the next girl…  but the skinhead across the street about lost his mind!  Threw himself down and started ripping off push ups!  That would have been fine had the dweeb been on the sidewalk, but since he was halfway in the road, he was almost another traffic fatality.  Tragic, huh?

Hello Blogosphere~

So, here goes!  First forray into blogging… well… as I noted in the about me part- I’m a people watcher- I just can’t help it!  I try to be observant of my surroundings and sometimes that means I see some pretty crazy stuff.  This afternoon, driving home from work, I’m minding my own business.  Sitting at the stop light, watching traffic drive by.  I notice a car pulling up behind me, so I glance back into my rear view mirror… What do I see?  Honky homeboy rocking out in his wife-beater in his 3-tone hoopdy-ride… I mean, he’s going for it- arms up in the air, singing at the top of his lungs.  If this isn’t great enough, his co-pilot his slumped down with a brochure for Qdoba or something covering his face so no one can see him.  Now, my windows are rolled up because it’s hotter than hell in the desert… but I can’t help but roll down my windows to hopefully catch a few notes of whatever eminem is rocking out to back there.  Unfortunately, I can’t catch any dulcet tones, but I’m sure he was rocking out to Britney or Baby Gaga.  That seemed about his style…

Drinking

Some people get funny, others just think they get funny.  Specifically, my dad… wow… seriously?  The reason muzzles for humans are necessary.

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